


Silent whispers

by thursday11



Category: Ranger's Apprentice - John Flanagan
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, M/M, Partner Betrayal, cralt, this was certainly not one of my better ideas
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2020-01-23
Packaged: 2021-01-27 02:43:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21384757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thursday11/pseuds/thursday11
Summary: In our life, we make many mistakes. Mistakes that shatter our hearts just as well the hearts of people we love most.We brood in the pool of our misery, aquiesced to never see light shining our way anymore. But is everything always truly lost? Or perhaps are we not looking enough?Broken, devasted and full of shame, Crowley decides to give up. There's nothing to be done now, to reverse the time and delete that night from history. As he now trudges through his shattered life, he knows things are never gonna be the way they used to be. Wrapping himself in dark blanket of resignation, he can't possibly see the light again. Or can he?Please read the notes before reading. I believe there will be many of you not liking this concept.
Relationships: Crowley Meratyn/Halt O'Carrick, Gilan (Ranger's Apprentice)/Jennifer "Jenny" Dalby, Will Treaty/Alyss Mainwaring
Comments: 6
Kudos: 20





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TheButterflyRanger](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheButterflyRanger/gifts).

> Hello, I haven't posted anything in a while, have I?  
Yesterday, I approached some of you with this fic idea. Some of you told me it's great idea, some of you gave your honest opinions about not writing this, which i value way more. Some of you gave me advices about how to approach the story and all of them were carefully considered and discussed with Rookie to whom this story is dedicated as I promised her that I'll finish it for her.  
About the story? I believe many of you will find it way too ooc. I thought so too. I was nervous and not sure about writing and posting this, however, thanks to Rookie I've become quite fond of it. I've contemplated whether to post it under my name or another pseud I have here. But I've decided I am not ashamed of it and i'll write it under my name.  
I hope at least some of will enjoy and we'll come to the end together. I'll be grateful for any constructive critic.  
Thursday11

_Shit! Shit! Shit!_

Crowley runs down the stairs from the doorway and almost trips over his untied shoe laces. 

"Halt! Wait!!"

By the time he reaches the gate and stumbles upon the sidewalk, all he can see is the rear of departing car. He runs into the road in a futile attempt to chase the car. As his legs slowly give up, he just stares ahead.

A silent whisper escapes his lips. "Please, wait..."

Crowley's woken from his trance by loud honk of passing bus. He quickly retreats from the road and slides down to pavement by the gate. His whole body starts to shake with cold and despair. He wraps his hands around his shins and slowly rocks back and forth. The gate creaks open as last of the guests leave.

He buries his face into his lap and pretends to not hear their words.

"Disgusting..."

"Unbelievable..."

"I heard they were engaged..."

Their voices echoes in his head many days after as their footsteps fade away.

"Crowley, dear!" Crowley snaps his head up. His whole body tenses upon hearing this voice. He nearly vomits with disgust and panic. Voice of the man that just destroyed all of his life. Crowley stands up and glances at Delvin rushing to him, conniving smile plastered on his face. "Come back in, it's cold." He reaches Crowley and lewdly winks at him. "We can be together." Delvin leans over and tries to kiss him, but Crowley shoves him away. He quickly checks wallet and phone are in pockets of his coat and runs into bustling morning streets of Redmont city sprayed with January cold.

Crowley waves his hand at nearest taxi. Before opening the car doors, he is met with his image in black windows of the cab.

_Disgusting._

His hair all dishevelled.

_Unbelievable._

The suck mark ominously adorning his neck.

_They were engaged._

His eyes all puffy from crying and tears frozen on his face. 

With trembling frozen fingers, he opens the doors and murmurs the adress to driver. He leans his face against frigid window and let his mind wonder, while more tears stream down his face.

How did it all come to this?

+++

It all started out as a great evening. Well, not the kind him and Halt lying entangled on sofa evening, but everything was going fine. Their company turned great profits that day and everyone was in great mood, Arald even opened bottle of archival champagne. 

Crowley sat in his chair, lazy smile spreading across his face. Circling his glass, he looked around, everyone was talking in excited voices about new business partners they're about to deal profitable contracts with. After last year's slight drop, it was looking as if light was finally shining their way. Only Pauline and Rodney, company's head of security, had slight frowns on their faces as they discussed new steps to take to protect company's material files, though they will likely prove as a nuisances to Pauline's work. 

Crowley's gaze wondered further around the council room, his face forming frown of his own as it didn't find the one man it had searched for. The frown didn't stay on his face for long as he soon felt soft brush of lips against his ear.

"Don't want spoil your fun, but we should leave," Halt whispered and his hand softly ran across Crowley's shoulder.

Ahh, yes. Crowley almost forgotten. He and Halt were invited for a house party few days earlier during one of the meetings with new possible business partner. The deal proposed by Peterson's company was surely atractive and could mean a lot for Golden Oak company. One of the negotiators, son of the founder of company, Delvin Peterson took an immediate liking to Crowley. Whole meeting ended up with another set up meeting, which should happen in three days. As Delvin and his lawyers were leaving, he shook Halt's and Crowley's hands, the latter maybe even for unneccesary second longer, and invited the duo for house party. "Discussing further details" he said with a wink. Nobody from Golden Oak doubted that further beneficial heads of contract depended on their presence.

Crowley nodded and slowly got up, leaning into quick kiss. He smiled at his dearest.

"Thank you so much guys for going there," Arald came to them. "That deal can make us really big profit."

"No worries."

After saying their goodbye to others, Crowley took Halt's hand and led them to the elevator. Soon after the doors closed, his other hand cupped his face and drew him for another kiss.

Small chuckle escaped Halt's lips. "Come on, we'll have all the time in the world once we get home."

Crowley gave a small noise of disappoitment, but inwardly he smiled to himself. Who wouldn't if they were the one who could make Halt smile like that.

It didn't take long and soon they were speeding through the streets of Redmont in Halt's black jaguar. The city was still recovering from New Year's festivities and positive motivated atmosphere lingered in the air. 

Crowley was leaning into comfortable seat and lovingly gazed at his partner. He could never tire of that look.

Moments passed and the car stopped in front of one of the rare villas in Redmont city. The pair got out and took the well mantained gravel path to the house's porch. Crowley's hand found Halt's once again and gave it a light squeeze. 

The duo entered the villa and soon were engulfed by immersive amount of music and almost blinding flicking of neon lights.

Hours passed by and Halt was beginning to feel rather tired and little bit nauseaus. After meeting with Delvin, he and Crowley were introduced to many people, who were all eager to meet them and met many of their already familiar business partners. They even met Crowley's cousin and her boyfriend and so Crowley became reluctant to leave for he haven't seen her in long time.

Gently he nudged ginger's arm and led him to spacious garden. He went on until they had more or less privacy and turned to him. Crowley was smiling at him with wide smile and his heart melted a little.

"Crowley? Look, we should leave," he said softly.

His partner offered him sad puppy eyes. "But, Charlotte's here. And I haven't seen her for thousand years."

Halt sighed and gently squeezed his shoulder. "You can always take her out for lunch, you know."

"But there are so many awesome people here tonight," Crowley pursed his lips and looked at him. "Come on Halt, when was the last time we went out like this?"

Halt closed his eyes for a moment and sighed again. He ran his hand the curly red hair he loved so much and brushed his thumb against his forehead. "You really want to stay, huh?" 

Ginger just leaned into his touch.

"How about this, then. Even though I don't feel really good about it, I'll head home," he saw that Crowley is about object, so he continued."I don't want to spoil your fun. I'll pick you up in the morning, okay?" Crowley hadn't looked very happy about it too, but then he nodded. They walked back to the villa, where Halt gave him a light hug. "Be careful."

Following hours became one big blurr for Crowley. Time passed before his eyes, as well as many drinks passed down his throat. His consciousness and awareness slowly slipped from grasp and he began to drown in blissful darkness.

When he opened his eyes that morning, he knew that something's wrong right away. Cold bleak light of January morning stabbed through his eyes just as dull pain throbbed in the back of his head. He stretched out his hands a let his fingers wallow through soft linen sheets. Warm hand was wrapped around his naked hips, but strangely, it didn't quite feel like the familiar wrinkles on Halt's hand. Soon he became aware of small breaths blowing on the nape of his neck. Something was so wrong. In his slumbrous and post drunken state he couldn't quite put his finger on it, but he knew that everything's wrong.

Crowley wondered what even woke him up.

Soon, he got his answer.

Soft, but firm voice came calling through the closed doors. "Crowley?"

_Halt?_ Was that Halt's voice? But if Halt's wasn't at his side...

He abruptly sat up and looked beside him, horror in his eyes which reflected image of Delvin Peterson contendly lying on the bed.

_No, no, no, no... This can't be._ Thoughts raced through his head, his body frozen in shock.

Suddenly, the doors quietly opened. "Crow-" 

A violent silence filled the air, descended upon them as a heavy blanket. Neither were capable of saying something. The whole world vanished but for a single line of their locked gazes.

Crowley watched in agony as two onyxes were being filled with dawning realization, betrayal and silent whisper of pain. In his own eyes tears prickled like thousands of invisible needles as his heart clenched in unspokeable torment and misery. He parted his lips but nothing came past them but a broken whisper.

Halt staggered back, his whole face canvas of horror and shock. He abtruptly turned away, his footsteps echoing in the hallway.

+++

"Sir?" the driver's voice comes calling through small window. "Sir, we're here."

Crowley's head jerks up and he shakily hands him generous amount of banknotes. He doesn't have time to count money now.

By the time the doors of the cab close, he's alredy at the doors to their appartment building. The display on the elevator shows him the cabin is on highest floor so without a hesitation he runs up the stairs to seventh floor. His knees and muscles painfully protest, but he pays them no heed. His head is spinning, sweat and tears burning in his eyes. 

_Halt!_

The doors to their appartment are slightly open, noises of things being rummaged through resounding to the hallway.

Crowley's steps falter as he passes through the doors of the master bedroom. His knees nearly give out as he's engulfed in suffocating amount of pain again upon seeing Halt's suitcases ominously wide open on the bed.

And Halt's perfectly blank, emotionless face as he folds his things into them with cold precision.

Crowley commands his feet to move and urgently walks up to him, reaching for his hand. "Halt-"

"Don't..." Halt forcefully shoves him away. "Don't touch me!" His cold voice breaks into millions of icy spikes, piercing Crowley's heart. 

By the force, Crowley staggers backwards, falling to the floor as his weak legs entangle into each other. He looks up and sees a tiny flicker of emotion in two onyxes.

Halt makes a hesitant step towards him, but then shakes his head and draws ragged breath. He runs fingers through his tousled hair and resumes in packing his things.

Crowley drawls himself to the wall, unable to stand up, resting his back against it.

He wants to scream.

He wants to whisper.

He wants to explain.

He wants to do... something.

Yet none words pass his battered, dry lips. His muscles completely limp, unresponsive to his commands.

He curls against his knees, burying his head between them, no able to bear the shame seeping through his bones. Tears don't even run down his face anymore. He feels like a broken doll. Something snaps and life doesn't flow through his life anymore.

Crowley feels his entire body going numb.

He sits there on the floor, hugging his shins, soul shattered, silent whisper broken.

He sits there long after the slam of the appartment doors stops echoing through the space.

And then, jingle of single crystal clear tear splattering against the floor breaks the silence.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I know it's been a really long while. Fact is, this chapter was written already moth before but I got stuck and had no idea how continue the situation at the end. So I decided to post it as it is while starting a new chapter 3. Also, like I always say, feel free to drop something in comments, I do take constructional criticism. Hope you'll like it!

When opens his salt-crusted eyes, everything feels numb. Not even sharp light of bed alarm clock's ciphers in the dark makes his eyes squint. Cold air against the bare skin of his face slowly bathes him, yet he doesn't shiver. His gaze lazily wanders around the bedroom, submerged in the darkness of January night, taking in all opened closets and drawers.

  
_They were engaged._

  
Crowley's lips curl in a bitter smile.

  
Ciphers shift, reporting that this cursed day just reached its twenty-one hours. With a groan, he forces his stiff limbs to move, hissing at the sudden pain of his body protesting after the whole day sitting on the floor. His head spins wildly, nausea overtaking the rule of his body.

  
_Don't touch me!_

  
His wobbly legs carry him staggering to the bathroom. With last remnants of his strength he slides down next to the toilet, barely managing to keep his hair out of the way. As the torture ends, he weakly raises a trembling hand to his parched and burning throat. Breaths accelerating in jagged rhythm, his nails maniacally clawing at the cursed mark adorning his neck.

  
It isn't until his fingers get covered in a scarlet coat he forces his chest to lift in steady calm cadence. His mind one big storm of inner conflict. Waves of guilt crashing and breaking against the shores of his conscience.

  
The beacon of broken love dying away.

  
Crowley slowly gets up and heads to the living room, where he picks a bottle of whiskey and pours himself a glass. He downs it in one go, his face sour grimace as the alcohol trickles down his parched throat.

  
Soon, another glass follows.

  
And another.

  
He takes the whole bottle, sitting down on the couch, glancing towards the kitchen.

  
Halt sets aside the knife, scooping the sliced onions into the sizzling pan, freeing the wonderful smell now spreading all over the apartment. As Crowley is putting away his coat, he blissfully closes eyes for a moment, drawing it in his lungs. Small smile tugs at the corners of his lips. He takes a small fragrant paper bag and creeps behind his partner.

  
"If you think I haven't heard the closing door, I regret to inform you-" Halt says, as he feels Crowley's hands embracing him from behind.

  
Ginger chuckles. "No, you don't."

  
"However, you'll be the one regretting if you don't let me finish dinner."

  
Crowley rests his head on Halt's shoulder, nuzzling against his neck. Drawing in his warmth, he murmurs. "I brought you something."

  
"Your freezing nose?"

  
"What? No," he pulls away and hands him the small paper bag. "Hope, you'll share though."

  
Halt gingerly raises the aromatic fragrant bag. His eyebrows go up and smile ghosts on his face. He closes eyes as he breathes in the cozy strong aroma of arridan coffee.

  
Crowley looks at him, his own smile now wide-spread on his face. He could look at him forever.

  
He's beautiful.

  
Halt's relaxed features are illuminated by single lit light in the kitchen, his hair tousled. Slowly he raises his eyelids, warm spark flickering in his eyes.

  
"Thank you."

  
Image scatters as dust in the wind. Crowley leans back on the couch, staring at the ceiling bathed in darkness. Now, almost empty bottle clatters on the floorboards, ringing out his misery.

  
No more tears now streaming down his face, all his emotions spent, emptiness engulfing him like a storm lone sailor on the vast sea of sadness.

  
He wakes up to sharp morning light piercing through his eyes, sending dull throbbing pain throughout his head. The bustle of the waking city echoes in his ears, sour taste marring his tongue.

  
Crowley forces his body to stand up. As he makes the first step, something clatters on the floor. He takes a glance at it and his face coils in disgust.

  
Not ever again, he swears to himself.

  
He takes a shower and dresses up. When he comes to the kitchen, he sees two plates and cutlery already set on the table. He checks the oven, where Halt has put breakfast he made before he went for Crowley.

  
With his hunger now vanished, he goes to the hallway, putting on his coat and heading out. Cold air bites into his face, winter wind seeping through his clothes, freezing his bones all over.

  
After a few minutes of walking, he finds himself in front the Jenny's. He hesitates for a moment as his fingers lay on the door handle, before entering. He walks to the far end of the coffee bar, now in the morning filled with people. January sun shines through the windows, illuminating the cozy interior of the coffee shop, bathing all in its waking light. Crowley closes his eyes for a moment, drawing in the heady warm aroma of the coffee, image flashing through his mind.

  
He sees young ginger, hastily closing same old glass-wooden doors, eyes darting around before resting on young black-haired man in the corner of the coffee shop turning a page in the book he's holding in one hand. Young Crowley takes a deep breath and shakes his head. You can do this, Meratyn.

  
His hesitant steps turn into more sure ones as he nears the table, wooden floorboards creaking under his feet in a gentle rhythm. He forces his fingers to stop fidgeting with seams on his shirt, calming his nervous body.

  
Black hair holds up his cup and sips a little. "Do you always come late to your dates? Playing hard to get?" he asks, eyebrow raised, not lifting his eyes from the book, but deep down Crowley can discern a small playful spark to his words. Without a prompt from his brain, the corners of his mouth spread into a wide smile.

  
Two young men become but a dust in the gentle breeze, warm light leaving with them.

  
"Crowley?" Jenny's voice carries to him as he sits down and buries his face in his hands. He takes a deep breath and lifts his head to see the worry-enwrought face of the young woman.

  
"Are you alright? Where's Halt...?" Her voice tinged with concern. "Have you two argued or something?"

  
Crowley glances away, not a single word passing his lips.

  
"Your usual then?"

  
After his nod, Jenny leaves and soon returns with the coffee. He wraps his frozen fingers around the steaming hot mug and stares into the brown depths. The chatter of other people chimes in his ears, not making pounding in his head any less painful.

  
Why me? Why us?

  
They argued in the past. Of course they did. But which couple ever existed without mild disagreements? Yet, this was a whole new dark ocean for him into which he was thrown without a chance to take a breath.

  
He wanted to angry. At all those chatting happy people around him. At Delvin. At Halt for not giving him a chance to explain himself. But all he felt was disgust for himself.

  
What would you even tell him? his lips curl in bitter smile. That you accidentally slept with someone else? Way to go, Meratyn.

  
As he is lost in his empty thoughts, abrupt force hits the table, spilling the coffee all over.

  
"What the hell is wrong with you?!"

  
Suddenly, Crowley finds himself pressed against the floor, fist painfully connecting with his face, sending spikes of pain along his jaw.

  
Jenny's horrified voice carries through the air. "Will!"

  
Second of young man's fists comes falling down, but this time it powerlessly slides to his chest. Crowley looks up to see to shocked look in young man's eyes reflecting splattered blood on his clenched fist. Will moves his gaze to stare into Crowley's eyes, trembling with unspoken anger and sadness.

  
"H-how..." his voice breaks, fists clenching and relaxing. "How could you?"

  
Crowley parts his lips, only to silent whisper pass them.

  
All of sudden, the pressure on his body disappears as Will is yanked off him. He dimly hears Gilan's angry voice and Will's retorts in the background as pulls himself up to sitting position, his head spinning.

  
Distantly, he registers soft tissue on his face, wiping away the warm blood pouring from his split lip.

  
"Crowley?" Gilan's voice low, but firm wakes him from his trance and forces him to focus on the concerned face of his friend. "Are you okay?"

  
Crowley numbly nods and takes the outstretched hand to stand up and looks around. All people around staring at them, Will glaring at him from two meters away, scolded by Jenny.

  
Gilan reaches for his hand and guides it his face to hold the tissue against his lips while retrieving his coat from the chair and leading him out of the coffee shop.

  
Once outside, he takes the bloodied tissue back and tosses it to the nearby bin before catching up with Crowley.

  
"I heard what happened."

  
The older snarls. "Great."

  
"Wanna tell me?"

  
Crowley halts in his steps, bewildered look on his face. "Tell you what?"

  
"Your story." Gilan's voice is firm but neutral, giving no indication about his stance. "I know you so I quite have a hard time imagining you doing it deliberately."

  
Crowley wordlessly sets his legs to motion again.

  
"Crowley?"

  
"What do you want me to tell you?" voice raised, tears blurring his vision as he quicks up his pace. "That I sorta just slept with someone accidentally?"

  
A loud honk of a truck rings in his ears when Gilan suddenly pulls him off the road into which he stepped without looking. Without a word, he takes Crowley and guides him to a nearby park and helps him sit on the bench, where Crowley curls up and lets tears stream down freely.

  
"Crowley?" the younger man nudges him, trying to ignore looks given by passing people. When the ginger-haired man doesn't respond, he raises his voice a little, omitting the question. "Crowley."

  
Crowley tilts his head back, eyes closed, taking a deep breath. His head is spinning, split lip stinging in cold breeze. He swallows and turns his eyes to his friend. Gilan's face holds unbiased expression, the look in his eyes unyielding but not unkind.

"It just happened... Well, I don't know what happened but it did."

"Have you done it of your own volition?"

"What?" He cries. "Of course not!"

A heavy sigh escapes Gilan's lips. He covers his face with his hand and leans forward. "You landed yourself in a big mess."

Only silence meets his words.

"What are you going to do?"

"I-I-I.." Crowley's voice breaks. "I don't know. I can't even imagine going to the office tomorrow!"

People are passing, some hurrying with phones near their ears, some lazily wandering around with their children and partners. The world just goes like nothing has happened. Like everything is alright. Like nothing has shattered. Cold breeze stings in his raw lungs.

"How do you and Will know? Halt told you?"

"Not exactly..." Younger man draws. "You know how Halt gave Will his old apartment before you two moved in together? So his first instinct was to head there. Will said that when the doorbell rang and he opened the doors, he saw Halt pretty shaken. He didn't let Halt go 'till he told him what happened. And then Will told me when we were heading to Jenny's."

Gilan shudders as he remembers Will's words. _"You have no idea what it was like! Seeing Halt like that, all broken with tears in his eyes. Halt, who has been our strong support for so many years. The way he looked at me when I opened the doors."_

"Where is he now?"

"Still at Will's apartment. We went for some coffee for Halt but we weren't expecting you to be there."

Crowley puts hands over his face. "Why? Why did it...?" a broken whisper.

They sit at the bench in silence, both lost in their own thoughts. 


End file.
